You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize