just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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