why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
