We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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