sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
