At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
