:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
