i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
