I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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