hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
