dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
