I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
