dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
