I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we should paint friendship bongs
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