Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
