I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
