the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
