If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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