obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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