I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we're so committed to being not committed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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