dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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