i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
