But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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