Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
