thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
