My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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