You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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