Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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