Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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