There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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