he puts the penis in happiness.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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