Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize