Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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