I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could teleport
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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