i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
