I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
