Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I came so hard my ears popped.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
