Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
