bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
