he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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