I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
