If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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