Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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