its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
