she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
