There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
