its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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