Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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