I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
