fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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