I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
