yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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