You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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