I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't special order awesome
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
