It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
