Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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