I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
