That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
