so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
