is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
