perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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