I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
