I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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