Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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