You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
