Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
