My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
