a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
soo... how was my night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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