The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
