so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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